On Leaving…

Callie Shaw
April 2022

The mornings leading up to leaving a place are always a bit strange. The impending emotions: eagerly awaiting my freckles' darkening under the California sun, dreading the exams AND the goodbyes, packing up our memories into tightly sealed cardboard boxes. Storage units are filled with the jeans you danced in, the shirt you spilled cheap wine on, the bedding that held you tight every night. Leaving becomes not only about the hugging, but about the person you are at this exact moment. Going home, I'll miss my lovely friends who color my world in ways indescribable, but selfishly I'll miss myself in this moment. I'll miss the way she was spontaneous, the way she let herself play a little every day, the way she seemed to have so many people to love in one singular place. Leaving is hard because I know it will never be as it is right now. I have every confidence each moment ahead will bring new reasons to dread goodbyes, but for now, I'm going to soak up each of these belly laughs. I'm going to hold my friends tighter, spend more time outside, and trust that my to-do list will still be there when I get back. While we always seem to have miles to go, sometimes we are already there. Savor these hours because one day you'll be walking down memory lane and run into the angels of your past self; remembering the beauty of the imperfect moments and wish that maybe, just maybe, you could have squeezed out a few more minutes of bliss.